Cooley´s concept of the looking glass self, states that a
person’s self grows out of a person´s social interactions with others. The view
of ourselves comes from the thought of personal qualities and impressions of
how others perceive us. Actually, how we see ourselves does not come from who
we really are, but rather from how we believe others see us.
The main point is that people shape their self-concepts based on
their understanding of how others perceive them. We form our self-image as the
reflections of the response and evaluations of others in our environment. As
children we were treated in a variety of ways. If parents, relatives and other
important people look at a child as smart, they will tend to raise him with
certain types of expectations. As a consequence the child will eventually
believe that he is a smart person. This is a process that continues when we
grow up. For instance, if you believe that your closest friends look at you as
some kind of superhero, you are likely to project that self-image, regardless
of whether this has anything to do with reality.
The concept of the looking glass-self theory constitutes the
cornerstone of the sociological theory of socialization. The idea is that
people in our close environment serve as the “mirrors” that reflect images of
ourselves. According to Cooley, this process has three steps. First, we imagine
how we appear to another person. Sometimes this
imagination is correct, but may also be wrong since it is merely based on our assumptions.
Second, we imagine what judgments people make of us based on our
appearance. Lastly, we imagine how the person feels about us,
based on the judgments made of us. The ultimate result is that we often change
our behavior based on how we feel people perceive us.
Building a strong self-image
“I imagine your mind, and especially what your mind thinks about
my mind, and what your mind thinks about what my mind thinks about your mind.” Charles Horton Cooley.
So how can we, or anyone else, know who we really are? Can you
be sure of the “real you”, separated from all the stuff in the outside social
world? You have probably experienced that you have had a strong sense of
another person´s dislike for you, only to later find out that this was not the
case, and that this person really liked you. Actually, the “real social world”
as we perceive it, is often not only wrong, but may even serve as an illusion.
All people want to be liked and be appreciated for talents or
personality. But if we have a weak self-image, if we believe that the opinion
of others are more important than our own, we can end up living our lives in
accordance to other peoples´ expectations. Sometimes, others evaluations mean
more to us than our own. This is quite a distressing thought, since it implies
that others´ opinion of you can run your life.
A person’s construction of an “imagined self-image” is done
unintentionally. We are not consciously aware that we often try to conform to
the image that we imagine other people expect from us. If a person develops a
negative self-image the self-esteem will tend to be low. Low self esteem
and poor self-image has long been associated with a whole range of
psychological problems, and it is necessary to counter the passive individual that
depends heavily on the social world for building self-image. Hence, we should
develop a self-image that is more based on our own evaluations rather than how
we believe others look at us.
The concept of the looking glass self offers insight not only
into our own thinking, but also to how we form our identity based on how others
see us. As long as we are interacting with others we are vulnerable for
changing our own self-image, a process that will continue throughout our lives.
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